LISTEN: Naz & Ella – ‘Internalised’

A gentle, sincere lament about the personal affects of internalised homophobia, North London-based duo Naz & Ella have shared their latest single ‘Internalised’. The first track to be taken from their upcoming EP (DE)HUMANISE, the track is a quiet yet candid exploration of the struggles the duo have faced whilst coming to terms with their sexuality and gender identities.

“It was important to us that this song conveyed an emotional journey with a light at the end of the tunnel,” explains Ella. Though the context of ‘Internalised’ is rooted in pain and confusion, the duo treat it tenderly with their blend of dreamy guitars and lush vocal harmonies. Together, they overcome the fears that have manifested after “too many years of hiding in the shade / wrapped in shame” to find peace and pride in their identities. “For the first time in my life / I’m proud to call you mine” the pair sing, providing hope for queer listeners who may still be on their journey to self acceptance.

“Internalised homophobia is a very isolating experience,” Naz explains. “Not only are you hurting yourself, but also those around you whether intentional or not. Whilst we think it’s important to take responsibility for your actions, we wanted to call out how growing up in a cisheteronormative world teaches queer people that there’s something wrong with us. Ultimately, only we can set ourselves free if we’re willing to unlearn that socialisation and push through the pain.” The duo have also explored the experiences they touch on in ‘Internalised’ further in a new podcast which you can listen to here.

Listen to the track below.

Follow Naz & Ella on bandcamp, Spotify, Instagram, Twitter & Facebook for more updates.

Kate Crudgington
@KCBobCut

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Introducing Interview: chika.

Through her playful beats and earnest lyrics, London-born, Oxford-based artist chika. creates intimate R&B sounds that reflect her personal experiences of growing up as a queer second generation Indian immigrant. Describing her music as “11pm on a Tuesday night,” chika.’s personality fizzes through on her new EP Unlearning, an exploration of heartbreak and self love which she’s self-released today (9th Feb.)

We caught up with chika. to talk about her musical inspirations, her anticipations for her new EP and her new music recommendations.

Hello chika, how have you been getting on during Lockdown 3.0 here in the UK?
Hey hey hey! Is this Lockdown 3 or 33? They’re all blurring together, but somehow, I’m making it through! I’m a uni student so term has been keeping me busy, for better or for worse, and I’m playing a virtual gig on February 19th – JoyRuckus Club 3, the biggest Asian music festival ever – which is sending reliable shots of dopamine to my brain. Big fan of the dopamine shots! finding ways to obtain them has been my method of survival during all these lockdowns.

That sounds good. Can you remember who or what first inspired you to start making music?
Honestly, I spent a lot of time trying to model myself after what I thought was the ‘perfect’ Asian daughter. I was studying law, going to legal events and genuinely despising my everyday existence. At some point, my ability to cope just…flatlined, I guess? I had a huge burnout, switched courses at uni and got diagnosed with ADHD (which explained a looooooot wow.)

Once I’d given myself permission to stop being perfect, I also stopped locking up the part of me that wanted to do music. As a kid, I wrote lyrics, sang a lot and constantly dreamed of being on stage and performing. I assumed that everyone just felt unfulfilled and daydreamed of being an artist. During Lockdown 1.0 I just automatically started writing lyrics again and found beats on YouTube to pair them with, and then like an uncontrollable snowball of happiness and good vibes I couldn’t stop myself from making music! It kind of feels like a calling.

So I guess my answer is… me? Therapy? ADHD? Ultimately, I realised that if I wanted to be happy in life, that was gonna include pursuing music.

Talk us through your recent single ‘gr8ful/h8ful’. What inspired it, how you recorded it etc.?
Ooooh ‘gr8ful/h8ful’! It’s the pre-release to my EP but actually the last song I wrote for it. I was dealing with some complicated relationship stuff, where both sides had their issues and I was vacillating between anger at the other person and a lot of self-blame and anger at myself, and then they told me that I should be ‘grateful’ for everything they’ve done for me. And sure, objectively that might be true – but in that moment the only thing in my head was: “?!?!?!?!?!?!? KJSAHKDSAHK how about nO, i will be HATEFUL, you don’t get to tell me how to feel!” And so the hook of this song was born. It’s a petty refusal to take accountability and a little childish (hence the formatting of the title). I recorded it at InspireSounds Studio in Oxford during our summer break from lockdown and got to work with a professional sound engineer for post-production, which was super duper exciting and such a huge quality improvement to doing it myself!

What are you anticipations for your new EP Unlearning? What are you most proud of about this release?
I’m excited as heck for Unlearning to come out. It’s going to be the foundation and origin of my music career (I hope), so whether or not it gets any exciting press or does numbers, I want it to be something I can continue to view with pride. That said, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that everyone who listens to it vibes with it as much as I do and that once covid is less of a threat, that I can perform it at some gigs. I’m proud of the variety of moods that this EP covers and just generally of having a professional-esque finished EP in my (digital) hands. It feels like it’s the start of the start of the start of something big, which sends little frissons of excitement and bounciness through my heart.

Are there any particular themes that have informed the songs on the EP? You’ve mentioned that it’s a reflections on a past relationship, but tell us a bit more…
Well, ‘gr8ful/h8ful’ is a retrospective “eff you” kind of track and then ‘SAVIOUR’ is much more of an “in the moment” realisation of how messed up and co-dependent a relationship has become. Those two tracks are both set during/after relationships, so kind of form a set in my head. ‘Real Deep’ is moving on from the previous two tracks; it’s forming an instant connection with somebody and wanting to know know know them in every way possible, diving in but with safety goggles on. And then ‘INCREDIBLE’ is healing from ‘gr8ful/h8ful’, taking in and processing the self-blame too and coming out the other side stronger for it and creating self-belief and being proud of how far you’ve come. I wanted Unlearning to feel like a complete story in and of itself, so hopefully it feels like a conclusion/resolution to the EP.

Do you have a favourite track on the EP? If so why?
I’m 50/50 between ‘SAVIOUR’ and ‘INCREDIBLE’ for completely opposite reasons! ‘SAVIOUR’ is a really vulnerable track that I was kind of scared about putting out there and is the most “still” track on the EP I think – like still water on the verge of something breaking the fragile peace, which happens by the end of the song. It’s the most delicate of the tracks and holds a pretty special place in my heart because of it. But then ‘INCREDIBLE’ is really “BAM! I’M AWESOME!” which is so fun to sing and perform! It’s a mood changer and so unrepentantly full of self-love and I take a lot of joy from it.

Are there any new bands or artists you can recommend we listen to?
I’m gonna try to narrow it down to just a few…

I’ve loved Dounia’s music since the very beginning and look up to her a heck of a lot! Think dreamy yet focused R&B with fantastic lyrics. She just improves and impresses me more with every release. I’d particularly rec ‘Playboy’ and ‘Renaissance’ from her.

There’s also Hope Tala, another artist whose song ‘All My Girls Like to Fight’ got me through a very stressful exam. I’ve been streaming ‘Cherries’ a lot, too. Hope Tala’s voice is so intimate and crooning and such a good experience. Finally, Ivan Furber just put out their first single ‘Stopping Time’, and the soundscape it creates really pulls me in! For fans of Florence and the Machine vibes with ephemeral visions and lyrics.

Finally, if you had to describe your music in three words, what would they be?
I’m the wordiest person I know so this is TOUGH, but…. “dialogue, intimate, unwavering.” I hope that makes sense!

Thanks to chika. for answering our questions!

Follow chika. on bandcamp, Spotify, Facebook, Twitter & Instagram for more updates.

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ALBUM: Anna B Savage – ‘A Common Turn’

An exquisite unravelling of the self, layered with melancholy, joy and wit; Anna B Savage‘s debut album A Common Turn is a compelling collection of deftly crafted songs that enrapture the ears. The London-born, Dublin-based songwriter has channelled her feelings of grief and insecurity into a confident and cohesive record, cauterizing the emotional wounds of her past and taking charge of her future.

Released via City Slang and produced by William Doyle, Savage’s debut LP is a raw yet polished affair that brims with her eccentric observations about love, growth, working “really fucking hard” and her admiration of birds. Having had a fascination with them since childhood, Savage uses them as a visual motif throughout the record, their recurrence acting as warnings, epiphanies or reassurances that eloquently shift Savage’s narrative perspective.

The skittish, evocative opener ‘A Steady Warmth’ bleeds into the congenial acoustic guitar strums on ‘Corncrakes’, her confessional lyrics bringing her vivid inner monologue to life. Savage admits she doesn’t “feel things as keenly” anymore and struggles to break relatable bad habits: “I want to text you / but it’d mean I’d thought about you.” Her willingness to explore this rocky emotional territory is epitomised on ‘Dead Pursuit’.

An affecting, defiant ballad that sees her tear herself “limb from limb”, Savage penned this track whilst grappling with imposter syndrome after the success of her 2015 debut EP, which caught the attention of Father John Misty and Jenny Hval, who she went on to tour with. It’s humbling to hear Savage lay her insecurities bare and comforting to see her desires for quick fixes – “I’m dying my hair and cutting out sugar” – didn’t stop her from fleshing out the sounds on her beguiling debut record.

The urgent line “I want us to thrive” is delivered with deft conviction on ‘BedStuy’, whilst the serendipitous creation of ‘Baby Grand’ and its forthcoming accompanying short film – which Anna worked on with ex-partner Jem Talbot – is “an exploration of the how and why some people just crawl into your heart and make a home there.” She displays the sheer power of her vocal range on ‘Two’. Raw guitar twangs and unexpected jagged electronics punctuate the track, as Savage sits in pensive reflection in her childhood bedroom, fearing she will “never amount to anything.” She lets the walls echo her doubts back at her, pushing her emotional resilience to the limit.

The album’s title track ‘A Common Tern’ is a brooding exploration of Savage’s need to be free from the shackles of a pernicious romantic relationship. The track shares its name with a seabird, the sight of which prompted Savage to re-think her relationship while on a fishing trip with her ex. These startling moments of realisation are tentatively placed throughout the record, with following track ‘Chelsea Hotel #3’ showing listeners just how empowering a break from your past can be. It’s an intense, exquisite celebration of female pleasure and how Savage has learned to dismiss the damaging tropes associated with it. Fans of Leonard Cohen will be familiar with the opening lyric – “He was giving me head on my unmade bed” – as it’s paraphrased from Cohen’s track ‘Chelsea Hotel #2’. Savage subverts Cohen’s storytelling, re-writing the narrative to rid herself of shame and confusion. When she sings “I will learn to take care of myself” it’s with genuine, unfaltering conviction.

Savage’s lyrics continue to ripple with an earnest beauty on ‘Hotel’. The image of the red foam left in her bloodied mouth after vigorously brushing her teeth is strikingly poetic. “I turn the big lights off / I put my headphones in” she sings, indirectly instructing listeners the best way in which to let her sounds sink into their consciousness. The stripped back, bare nature of closing track ‘One’ is a potent wish to be “strong and fine.” “Jesus I’m too insecure for this / for him to undress me then take the piss” Savage exhales, grappling with emotional sore spots and physical unease with ones self. She handles shame and melancholy with impressive tact and sensitivity, healing open wounds by confronting her vulnerabilities head on.

“For me, ‘a common turn’ is those moments of decision where you think ‘I’m not taking this anymore,” Savage explains about the title of her record. “Whether it’s the way someone else is treating you, or the what you’re treating yourself.” Her poetic refusal to be erased by the pain of her own experiences is what makes listening to A Common Turn so compelling. Savage’s patient, captivating sounds traverse intensely personal terrain, and what a privilege it is to be allowed into this vast, wildly honest territory of hers.

Listen to A Common Turn on bandcamp or Spotify

Follow Anna B Savage on Twitter, Instagram & Facebook for more updates

Kate Crudgington
@KCBobCut

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Track Of The Day: Big Daisy – ‘Bee Mine’

A fuzzy guitar ode to those who embrace emotional labour in a relationship without hesitation, Belfast four-piece Big Daisy have shared their latest single ‘Bee Mine’. Lifted from the new charity compilation album Bangers & Breakups, the track is a lo-fi appreciation of the selfless acts of love and support we receive in a relationship, even if past trauma makes us feel like we don’t deserve them.

Formed of childhood best friends Aidan Reynolds, Ciara King, Dan O’Rawe and James Orr, Big Daisy released their debut single ‘Go Outside’ in November 2019, unaware that their agoraphobic anthem would become an appropriate soundtrack for a global pandemic. The band’s ability to “hide painful stories inside catchy songs” is something they take pride in, and latest offering ‘Bee Mine’ is another stellar example of this talent. Described as a track that wears its “heart on its sleeve,” it’s an unconventional love song that rings with genuine warmth and charm.

It sits comfortably on the track-list for Bangers & Breakups, a heartbreak album made up of an eclectic mix of tracks from Irish & Northern Irish musicians, with contributions from Problem Patterns, Junk Drawer, Beauty Sleep, Arvo Party and more. All proceeds from the album will be donated to She Sells Sanctuary, a domestic violence charity based in Northern Ireland.

Listen to ‘Bee Mine’ below.

 

Follow Big Daisy on bandcamp, Spotify, Instagram, Twitter & Facebook for more updates.

Kate Crudgington
@KCBobCut

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